I was reading some random news bit on Yahoo about Ned Kelly, a criminal in Australia back in the 1800’s. They were able, recently, to identify his remains from those of 30-something others who are unidentified using forensic evidence. I didn’t know who Ned Kelly was so I looked him up (I didn’t realize he was famous and that at least two movies, one with Mick Jagger and one with Heather Ledger had been done about his life). This dude was one tough S.O.B.! I’m copying and pasting a bit from his wiki page here, this is just a small portion so feel free to go on to read the rest, but I thought this small part had enough interesting and humorous bits to start you off. It’s also cool to me to imagine how these actually went down as I watch the words paint the movie in my head.

Ned Kelly’s Wiki Page

In 1869, the 14-year-old Ned Kelly was arrested for assaulting a Chinese pig farmer named Ah Fook.[9] Ah Fook claimed that he had been robbed by Ned, who stated that Ah Fook had a row with his sister Annie. Kelly spent ten days in custody before the charges were dismissed. From then on the police regarded him as a “juvenile bushranger”.

The following year, he was arrested and accused of being an accomplice of bushranger Harry Power. No evidence was produced in court and he was released after a month. Historians tend to disagree over this episode: some see it as evidence of police harassment; others believe that Kelly’s relatives intimidated the witnesses, making them reluctant to give evidence. Ned’s grandfather, James Quinn, owned a huge piece of land at the headwaters of the King River known as Glenmore Station, where Power was ultimately arrested. Following Power’s arrest it was rumoured that Ned had informed on him and Ned was treated with hostility within the community. Ned wrote a letter to police Sergeant Babington pleading for his help in the matter. The informant was in fact Ned’s uncle, Jack Lloyd.

In October 1870, Kelly was arrested again for assaulting a hawker, Jeremiah McCormack, and for his part in sending McCormack’s childless wife an indecent note that had calves’ testicles enclosed. This was a result of a row earlier that day caused when McCormack accused a friend of the Kellys, Ben Gould, of using his horse without permission. Gould wrote the note, and Kelly passed it on to one of his cousins to give to the woman. He was sentenced to three months’ hard labour on each charge.

Upon his release Kelly returned home. There he met Isaiah “Wild” Wright who had arrived in the area on a chestnut mare. While he was staying with the Kellys the mare had gone missing and Wright borrowed one of the Kelly horses to return to Mansfield. He asked Ned to look for the chestnut and keep it until his return. Kelly found the mare and used it to go to Wangaratta where he stayed for a few days but while riding through Greta on his way home, Ned was approached by police constable Hall who, from the description of the animal, knew the horse was stolen property. When his attempt to arrest Kelly turned into a fight, Hall drew his gun and tried to shoot him, but Kelly overpowered the policeman and humiliated him by riding him like a horse.[10] Hall later struck Kelly several times with his revolver after he had been arrested. Ned always maintained that he had no idea that the mare actually belonged to the Mansfield postmaster and that Wright had stolen it. After just three weeks of freedom, 16-year-old Kelly, along with his brother-in-law Alex Gunn, was sentenced to three years imprisonment with hard labour for “feloniously receiving a horse”. “Wild” Wright escaped arrest for the theft on 2 May following an “exchange of shots” with police, but was arrested the following day, Wright received only eighteen months for stealing the horse.[11] After his release from prison in 1874, Ned allegedly fought and won a bare-knuckled boxing match with ‘Wild’ Wright that lasted 20 rounds.

While Kelly was in prison, his brothers Jim (aged 12) and Dan (aged 10) were arrested by Constable Flood for riding a horse that did not belong to them. The horse had been lent to them by a farmer for whom they had been doing some work, but the boys spent a night in the cells before the matter was cleared.

Two years later, Jim Kelly was arrested for cattle-rustling. He and his family claimed that he did not know that some of the cattle did not belong to his employer and cousin Tom Lloyd. Jim was given a five-year sentence, but as O’Brien pointed out the receiver of the ‘stolen stock’ James Dixon was not prosecuted as he was ‘a gentleman'[12]

In September 1877 Ned was arrested for drunkenness. While being escorted by four policemen he broke free and ran into a shop. The police tried to subdue him but failed and Ned later gave himself up to a Justice of the Peace and was fined. During the incident Constable Lonigan, who Ned was to later shoot dead, “black-balled” him (grabbed and squeezed his testicles). Legend has it that Ned told Lonigan “If I ever shoot a man, Lonigan, it’ll be you!”.

And this doesn’t even include the armor!